10 December 2013

A little update from me......

Hi everyone, well I am back from the week away and yes I do feel so much better. I was able to relax and to take stock of my feelings. I had been letting the feelings go round and around in my head and it just was making me so miserable. What with losing Jasper, working and then having the work going on for the new kitchen I  suppose it was just a lot going on. The week in the sunshine was just what the doctor ordered and recharged both Barrie and my batteries. I read 4 books and we just generally had a lovely time. Yes we still had a few tears  at times but then I suppose we will for a long time.
  I was I know holding things in and I am sorry to say I found it very hard to visit blogs. This made me sad because  I so love the blog and so love all the friends we have made. I don't want to lose any of that. I will be visiting now and will try and stay in touch with what is happening. Please keep me in the loop with any auctions and fundraisers and events because I always try to join in.

 Now one last thing is I want to get off my chest and tell you about that last couple weeks  of Jasper's life. As you know he was just not eating much at all and then he would not have anything and existed on just cat milk. There was no flesh on him at all and he was just all bones and fur. We were so very worried and we knew that that time was coming. I spoke to the vet several times and went in and just spoke and cried with the vet nurse. I explained that I didn't want him to go but that  also didn't want him to be in pain and for us because he was far too important for that to happen. They said you will know when its time. The last two days were awful especially the day before. Jasper wanted to be as close to me as was possible and was pressing himself into me as though he could get inside me but he was so uncomfortable that he had to keep shifting himself to try and get comfortable a little. He would not leave me and I would not leave him. I stayed up with him in the chair and just tried to make him comfortable as I could. I knew it was time. Next morning I told Barrie that I must ring the vet, he was so upset and said must we don it yet. I said that we owed it to him and although we didn't want to we must not let him suffer. I called the vet and spoke to the lovely young man that has been there for Jasper many times, he asked me what was the nature of the visit, I couldn't speak properly and he knew and just said I understand. We hugged and loved Jasper for the last few hours and we so did not want to go but he did not know how to be comfortable at all. When we walked in we were greeted by our favourite little nurse who just said don't worry we understand. Our special vet was still not at work after his accident but Nigel the boss man was wonderful. I said I had to be sure and he said let me examine Jasper and see what I   think. He did so and said you are so right he is just so ill and he is ready to go, if he was mine I would do the same. We both held him and he was so quiet and just looked at us as if to say thank you for this. Nigel said oh bless I have only got a small amount in  and he has gone, he was so ready and now he has no pain. Nigel understood that we didn't want to make the decision but said when a cat was so terminally ill it was the only choice to make and we were giving him the last gift we could. He left us alone and said take all the time you want before leaving him.
   The next morning the phone rang and it was Alistair our vet calling from home, he had been told about Jasper and called to see how we were. I thought this was such a lovely thing to do. Alistair said please remember that you had two more years with your boy and he fought so well. Yes he was right we did.
 I just couldn't say all this before but wanted to tell you all as I wanted closure and you all understand so well. This is my closure and I thank you all for listening and being there through it all. I so appreciate that. Very much.

  Now I will show you the promised pictures of the kitchen. Before and after.
                                                           Before we had a dead corner because the built in fridge and freezer were at the end and the free standing cooker was  in the recess where the old fireplace used to be. ( very old house ) we cant move the alcove because its a retaining wall.

                   The builders did a grand job and revamped the design for us to utilise all the space. They moved the fridge to the other end and took the work surface all the way around the alcove where the fireplace was.

Then today we put back all the pictures and ornaments. It just finished it off lovely.
Remember when we has new windows we left the window and table free of everything because Jasper loved to sit there and look out. Barrie put the kitties from then unit tops on the window so they could carry on looking out.

                                              His painting looks down on us...

                                               Kitties look down from here too...

                                                  Mum bought me this kitty many years ago...
                                               And this one.....
We love the kitchen a lot..
So a very mixed post today and now I will go and visit my friends blogs.
Take care all. Love and hugs Carol x


SuziQCat said...

Thank you for sharing about GJ's final moments. That is a special time to share and I always view it as a final kindness to a beloved companion. GJ touched many and will not be forgotten.

Love the kitchen remodel. The green with the black is striking!

Random Felines said...

((hugs)) we have all been there and know what you are going through....but how wonderful your vet's office was. GJ was a wonderful boy and we know that you loved him very very much

the kitchen is lovely....

The Whiskeratti said...

You were such wonderful parents to Jasper. We miss him, and we are so sorry for your pain, but we're glad you are still in contact with us.

And your remodel was lovely! Of course it's a lot of stress, so it's good that you took some time off to relax. Pawhugs.

ButterBean said...

We understand! and we purr for you - in time it will get better - just give it time.
your kitchen looks great!

meowmeowmans said...

Thank you so much for sharing with us, Carol. GJ was so fortunate to have such loving parents as you an Barrie. And you, in turn, were so lucky by having him in your lives. What a blessing your vet office was; we found ours was the same way when we had to help our Sammy to the Bridge earlier this year. Perhaps he and GJ are playing together there now. Wouldn't that be sweet?

Big hugs to you and Barrie.

P.S. - your kitchen looks brilliant!

Flynn said...

Thank you for sharing your last day with us. Jasper was letting you know that it was time for him to go, and you gave him the greatest act of love by helping him to go gently and with love.The tears are part of the healing process and will continue for a long time. Ivor and I still have so many tears for Eric, but it is better to let them out rather than keep them bottled up.
Your kitchen looks lovely, so different with lovely colours.
I am glad you had a good holiday and both feel refreshed.

Photo Cache said...

headbutts from us, Emma and Buster and our mom loves your kitchen.

Emma and Buster

Loretta Thomas said...

Thank you for sharing your intimate moments with us...it was so touching!!
We love your remodel. Now you have everything in its place and that makes it more functional! So good to hear from you and your having time to unwind and put your grief in perspective. Luv you!!
Purrs & Hugs,
Kitty & Loretta XX

Tom, Tama-Chan, Sei-Chan, Bibi-Chan, Gen-Chan, Vidock, Violette said...

Thank you, Carol, for this beautiful post. None of us want to lose touch with you either.

They always say that when they sense that the end is coming, cats tend to withdraw from people. The extent to which Ginger Jasper wanted to be with you speaks volumes about your relationship. He was a very lucky boy and he knew it.

Congrats on your lovely new kitchen, and so glad you had a nice holiday away.

Lots of Love,
The Poupounette's #1

Fuzzy Tales said...

Carol, I'm absolutely sobbing, reading your post, both for you and also because it's triggered memories of having to take Annie in that last morning, even though it was almost 3 years ago. And like you, it was the only "choice" to spare Annie any more suffering, but oh, it was the hardest thing I've had to do to date in my life. So I understand and send Love and universal Light.

I'm so glad your holiday helped. You will journey through your grief in your own time and in your own way, there's no hurrying it or avoiding it.

Purrs from Nicki and Derry to you both.

Now, as for your remodeled kitchen: It looks fantastic! I love, love, love shades of green--my favourite! (All my upstairs rooms are painted green.) Well done to your designer and builders!

Lots of hugs; maybe you and Barrie find peace and joy this Christmas season.


harrispen said...

Thank you for sharing your final days with Ginger Jasper with us. It is never easy and many of us have been through what you did. No matter how many times I've had to make that final decision it never gets easier, but it is always a relief to be able to free our best friends from their pain.

On another note...your new kitchen is beautiful. It sure looks like the builders did a great job "fixing" your space problems.

I'm glad you had such a wonderful and restorative vacation too.

Hugs to you and Barrie.

Cindy (with Millie & Walter)

Angel and Kirby said...

That is a great kitchen redo! They made more space out of thin air!

Thank you for sharing your heart ache with us. I know how hard it was to write this. Probably 1000 times harder than it was to read it! I remember having to make that hard decision twice. Your vet was correct. YOu just know when it is time and it is the only choice.

Sending hugs and prayers/

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Ginger Jasper was so very lucky to have such a loving family.

JC said...

We have all been there. This is my new purr gang. The old purr gang lived to be 17, 19 and 21. So, I do know how it feels to make that decision for someone who has been so loved. You knew. You gave him a wonderful life.

Now, how cute is your new kitchen. Love it and all the cats.

So glad the vacation helped you heal.

JC and The Purr and Fur Gang

Austin Towers said...

I am in bits here! Such a sweet boy and you know you did absolutely the right thing and the vets and nurses were so lovely too! We have all been there but it doesn't get any easier! Hugs and purrs, Caro and Austin xoxox

PeeEss The kitchen looks wonderful! :)

Brian said...

We are so glad you shared with all of us, we do totally understand. Hugs and love from our hearts to yours.

Clooney said...

Purrs and prayers to you Carol on sharing GJ's final days with us all. The last days are often so heart-breaking and it is so hard to make the decision to let our precious kitties go but it is the right one, as you said it is what needs to be done for them to help them so they do not suffer. Sending you and Barrie lots of love for this season without your boy, we will all miss him so. I'm so glad that you got a chance to go on a holiday and that it was good for you both. Your new kitchen is absolutely gorgeous, love the color scheme and your kitty decorations. Love to you Carol.

jen and edda said...

Glad to see an entry from you and to see how you're doing.

Edda =^..^= and her human jen

Katnip Lounge said...

I am so happy you are starting to feel a little better. Nothing bad ever happens all by itself--I completely know how it is when the world topples in you.

You and Barrie did brilliantly by Jasper these past two years and if there's ever been a kitty who knows he was adored it was (is) GJ. He'll always be missed by many many people.

Your kitchen reno is amazing and I'm filled with envy...we are in the midst of painting and sprucing up our home right now--isn't it nice? I especially love the colors you chose, and the cornices and wall treatments are GREAT. Enjoy!

Keep us all posted as well on what you and Barrie are up to...

xx Trish

Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

Dear Miss Carol... I (Frankie Furter) So very well remember SO LONG AGO where Ginger Jasper was so Sick in November.. and we were all asking Santa Paws to Just grant us ONE MORE Christmas with him. AND then Miracle of Miracles... He granted our request and look at all the Additional Time.. WONDERFUL LOVE FILLED TIME... we had with our sweet furend. We were so BLESSED to have that extra time, butt we KNOW that it was a BONUS and that we could not ask it again.
You and Mr. Berrie did the LOVING and CARING thingy fur our furend.
OH MY... your kitchen was LOVELY and now it is OUTSTANDINGLY BEAUTIFUL. We love it.

Agnes B. Bullock said...

Thank you for sharing GJ's last few days- That takes a lot of courage and you are to be commneded for sharing this with Blogville. Ginger wold be so porud of you-

LOVE the new kitchen- it is fabulous. Am so jealous!

Maxwell, Faraday and Allie said...

Oh what a lovely and heartbreaking post. Thank you so very much for sharing your heart with us.

Oh, can we identify! It's unspeakably hard to say goodbye, but we are so grateful you had the reassurance that you were doing the right thing for your precious boy.

Keeping you close in our hearts as your work through your grieving - in your own time.

What a lovely new kitchen - and how sweet to see the kitties keeping sentinel for Jasper in the window!

BeadedTail said...

We know that you and Barrie did all you could for Jasper until he knew it was his time for the Bridge. We are all lucky to have had him an extra two years since he was such a special boy. Hugs to both of you!

Your kitchen is fabulous and we love the photos of Jasper in your home! Love certainly lives in your house!

ANGEL ABBY said...

The additional blessing of having him for two more years was your special gift. Those last hours are terribly excruciating and heartbreaking. I am glad to hear you are feeling better, and your remodel is fabulous. It will not be easy for you to accept in your heart but you did the final act of compassion for GJ.

Pattyskypants said...

I think it is good to tell others what happened because no one really knows how to respond when their beloved pet is in such trouble. This is very helpful. We miss GJ so much! xxoo

Taffy said...

I know that when Twix was here she and GJ didn't know each other very well. It has been 2 years since we had to let her go and your post brings back those memories and my heart breaks for you. I promise it does get easier. You will soon be able to remember GJ with smiles and not sadness.
Sending love and hugs,
Taffy and Teresa

Georgia and Julie said...

Carol and Barrie, you did right by Jasper. You loved him enough to let him go. We do hope to see you posting and visiting again. It is hard. When Tillie passed, I felt so sad and now a bit depressed.They are such a huge part of our lives. Hugs!
Your kitchen looks so bright and modern and functional :) I think you will enjoy the space so much more. The decorations are lovely too!
It was worth all the upheaval ;)
Hugs and Purrs,
Nancy and the kitties

Nola said...

Thank you for sharing. So many hugs to you! Your kitchen is ADORABLE!

The Island Cats said...

Thank you for sharing Jasper's last day with us. I know it wasn't an easy decision for you...I think it's the hardest decision a pet parent has to make...but it was the right one. I know you miss your sweet boy.

I'm glad you and Barrie were able to get away and enjoy yourself. Your kitchen looks great! I'm hoping to remodel mine this coming year...it really needs it. :)

Island Cats' mom

Sparkle said...

Thanks so much for checking in and sharing about GJ's last days. I think we needed the closure as much as you. We miss him so very much, but I am also glad you knew when it was time and did the right thing for him. Purrs to you - I know GJ will live in your heart always, and that love will help mend it.

BTW, your kitchen looks beautiful and cheery!

Punapippuri said...

Thank you for this post. I'm sobbing away here, but as Sparkle says, it is also closure for us as I must admit, I have thought a lot about how you and Barrie were helping GJ on his journey. He was so much loved by us all, and it's clear the vets were very kind and loved him too. A true hero. And you and Barrie are heroes too - you gave him those years of love and much pleasure to us all. Thank you so much.

The kitchen looks great!

Prancer Pie said...

Thank you for sharing about dear GJ. He is so missed by all of us here, too. Mommy says she will never see another ginger without thinking of him.

We think your kitchen is absolutely lovely! Our Mommy just adores the color and the tiles! It will bring you many years of enjoyment.

((Hugs)) from all of us at Prancer Pie.

Poppy Q said...

Carol + Barrie, I went through the same thing with my cat Puss, when she was sick with renal failure. You feel soo guilty, but know that you did the right thing or your lovely boy. He told you he was ready to go, and you helped him go gently - never feel guilty for that. My poor old Puss even put her paw out for the vet to inject her - just heartbreaking. Now years on, I know I did the best I could, and even though she was soo sick in the last few weeks of her life, she still purred and wanted to snuggle. When that stopped, I knew she was telling me what Ginger Jasper was telling you.

Glad you got a holiday away with some relaxing, and a fantastic new kitchen.

Julie and Poppy Q

Siku Marie, White Dog said...

Your new kitchen looks so efficient and homey! And we are all so glad that your holiday gave you an opportunity to smile in the sunshine and find some peace.

Carol, all I can say after losing Quinn (who was are ready to go when the time came) and then Nuka (who just wasted away)...is I SO understand. Feel my love and wishes that you have closure. Ginger Jasper is with us always.

Spitty-the-Kitty said...

GJ was a noble kitty and you honor him with this post. You made that difficult but necessary and and brave choice--GJ was ready to move on and join his friends over the Bridge--he'll be there with all of our Kitties Who've Gone Before, waiting for all of us to join them one day XOXOXOXO

Andrea and the Celestial Kitties said...

I know how much it helps to be able to talk about what happened, so I'm glad you took the opportunity to do so. I'm so sorry you had to go through such a thing. Ginger Jasper was a darling kitty who was greatly loved, I'm so glad he had such a wonderful life with you.
Your kitchen is gorgeous and I love all the kitties you have in it.

Marg said...

Oh Carole, thanks so much for telling us about Jasper's last day. You gave him such a huge gift to let him go. We love how your new kitchen looks.
Glad to hear you had a good time on the trip.
Jasper was such a lucky kitty to have the love that you and Barrie gave him. You take care Carole. We have missed you.

Jobi Harris said...

Your sharing this story of Jasper's departure is so soulful and loving. I love you and Barrie and Jasper even more, and I did not think that was even possible.

Mark's Mews (Ayla, Iza, and Marley) said...

We dont wanna say too much here in this difficult time. But we think yer timing was right an TBT says he unnerstands competely.. Ya did the right thing at the right time. Purrrrrrs Of Comfort...

Marilia Bavaresco said...

GJ was a very lucky guy!!!!!
Receive my hugs!

Katie Isabella said...

I am in tears and I completely understand as do all of us who have very dear and beloved fur babies. They are as dear to us as the children they are.

MUCH love and comfort. I know how hard that was, xoxoxoxo

Laila and Minchie said...

Thank you for sharing with us, Carol. It was hard reading through our tears. GJ was a very special ginger boy.

Love the new kitchen!

Bellen said...

It must have been one of the hardest weeks of your lives, your last days with Jasper. You had to have loved him greatly to let him go as you did. God bless you.

I like what the builders did in the kitchen. The alcove where the old fireplace used to be now looks like it was meant to be part of the new arrangement.

Jan (Milo and Alfie's mom) said...

Thank you so much for sharing those last precious memories. *tears*
Will always love and remember your dear sweet boy. I'm so glad you had a break and it helped ease your mind. I know your heart will always have a GJ shaped hole in it ~ it's the price we pay for loving our furkids so much.
Sending you so much love, and PURRS from Milo and Alfie.
Jan xx

da tabbies o trout towne said...

we noe how hard it bee for yur mum ta share this GJ...we send R hugs two her N yur dad....
and de new kitshun is way awesum...veree bright N cheer full...glad they had a grate holly day az well ~~!


Caren Gittleman said...

Carol I know how hard this had to be to write and I know that SO MANY OF US can relate to this.
Before I let my Angel Bobo "go"...the day before, he also stayed close to my side (as if he knew it was time). It was back in 2007 and I can STILL barely type this because the moment I begin to relive it, the tears come as if it just happened.
You and Barrie loved GJ with all of your heart and he KNEW IT. You fought for him tooth and nail, you gave him a beautiful life, all kitties should be as lucky!
On a brighter note, your kitchen looks GORGEOUS! They sure did an amazing job! You are making me want to spruce up my small and old fashioned nightmare kitchen!

Madi and Mom said...

Carol and Barrie your kitchen is beautiful and so cheery and the decor of kitties purrfect
hugs madi and mom

katsrus said...

Purrs and hugs to you. I love how you put the kitties in the window. Your kitchen is very pretty.
Sue B

animal lover, quilt lover said...

You are so right Carol, we have all been through it. It still brings tears to my eyes just thinking about all my precious babies!!!! Poor Happy's last days were like GJ's. She was so ready to go and she was sink and bones too!!
Your kitchen is beautiful!!! I wish I had one!!
Glad you are feeling better!!! I love the bloggers too!!!

Spitty-the-Kitty said...

Hi Spitty and I both love that last china kitty. I know you said your Mum bought it for you, but was there an 'occasion'? It's very sweet! (Also--love the kitchen!)

Kari said...

We know hard it must be for you to recall those last days, dear friends. We thank you for letting us know because it helps us find some sense
of closure. You did absolutely the
right thing by Jasper. He was loved
and cherished throughout his life and
was treated with love and respect
when the time came he could no
longer stay with you on earth. The tears will come and they need to come as part of the healing process. They will gradually change from tears of grief and self doubt to tears of fond
remembrance and eternal love.
He was an extraordinary boy . His life
force lives on as a part of our
universe and he will be there for
you, just like his Gran, to offer his
special comfort in times of need.
He'll always have a home in our
hearts. We love him so.
Your new kitchen is beautiful! Very elegant, very posh. Right out of a
home decor magazine! We love it.
The kitties looking out of the window
are perfect. We're sure Jasper is pleased.. All of our love, always.
Kari, Gran and the cats.

Hannah and Lucy said...

Thank you for the message on our blog today - it was lovely to hear from you and we miss you and GJ so much. He was such a wonderful mancat and we always left your blogs with a smile at something he said or had done. We hope that one day you will be able to adopt another cat and start to blog again.
Take care
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx
Love Sue xx

Hannah and Lucy said...

Ooops - it was a comment on an earlier post this week - our Mum gets sillier!
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

STELLA and RORY from Down Under said...

Hi Carol and Barrie. Thanks for sharing Ginger Jasper's last time with us because even though we are far away we feel like we knew your little man and he was part of our family/community too. It bought back many memories for me too, of our old girl Kara.
GJ was surrounded by love and gave you love in return and isn't that so wonderful. Treasure your memories mates. Your Ginger Jasper was a beauty and we loved him.
No worries, and LOVE, Carol, Stella and Rory

Jan's Funny Farm said...

We know it was a hard time for you and Barrie. It was hard for us to read through the tears, but thank you for sharing.

Your kitchen is lovely. Enjoy!

Meg & Quill said...

Your post made me tear up. I am reminded of Fin's passing and I understand how hard it is. I'm sending my hugs and love to help ease your pain my friend.

Blogging is hard for a little while but it gets easier in time.

The Cat From Hell said...

Oh wes had tears leaking all over the place at our house reading your blog today. Although we has only met through the blogs, after 3 years, we love you like family.
We know how you feel and we send you strength to continue. We know GJ will live on in our hearts.
Nellie & Mommy

Oui Oui said...

Thank you for sharing about the final days. It must have been so difficult to write about. I'll never forget taking Lumpy to the vet's and sitting, waiting our turn, knowing he wouldn't be going back home with me and looking at all the animals in the waiting room who would be going home. My prayers are with you both!

What a nice kitchen you now have. I wish there was something that could be done with mine . . .

The Crew said...

It's so hard to let go of our beloved fur babies, but we need to do what's right for them.

Time heals everything and one day GJ will bring you another fur baby and you'll be ready to open your hearts again.

Crew's Mom

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing the story of GJ's last days. I had wondered and had hope that you could really know it was time and that he went quickly and easily. What a blessings for all of you.

I continue to think of you as you walk forward... it is a difficult time, I know. Bless you both.


Lily, WA, USA

Timmy Tomcat said...

You did the right thing. Jasper was ready to travel over the Bridge. I had my Inky for almost 22 years and he passed at home. Every time I thought he passed he would get up and have a little drink and go back to sleep. He did not seem to be in any pain but I feel it seemed to take so long. Prayers to you Carol and Barrie.

Being a builder for some 20 years before going into nursing. VERY nice job. I am jealous as my place is rather tight.

Dad Pete

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Thanks for sharing those private memories with us -

His final days here sound very much like Angel Cholla's -

When Paul took her to the vet for mom (I was at work at the time), it barely took anything for her to go - her heart congestion was extreme - and she was so filled with fluid - yet just a bag of bones with some fur -

I'm sure they've joined up across The RB!

Khyra's Mom ;-)