Hi everyone, I am checking in and saying hello to all our friends. It seems so long since I last wrote and I know that I will have missed so much. It has been so hard without Jasper and I know you all understand. We have been having a new kitchen fitted and have had the house upside down for the last two weeks. It is just about finished now all baring a few last touches. I will show some before and after pictures when all complete.
I was speaking by email to Jackie ( Flynn's mum ) about how I was feeling about change in the house and how moving things away felt like I was putting Jasper away. Jackie said write in in the blog because everyone there will understand. There have been so many things that have set me off. Like the first day when seeing the turbo track made me so sad. All the toys and things around. I phoned Tristan and just said could you come and collect some things, he understood and came straight away. I gave him everything for Azzie and then felt like I had somehow betrayed Jasper by moving things away. Every week I had to hoover the blinds in the living room as they were full of fur. Barrie used to say to Jasper look at those blinds and your mum has just cleaned them. Just after we lost him I hovered the blinds and realised there would be no more fur that made me cry so much.
So many things set me off and I know that you all understand this so much. Some of my work friends understand too but others look at me as if to say oh come on move on now. Don't get me wrong I don't walk around all woe is me but it does just come over me. Like when in the first week after he had gone I went out on a call to a lady who has a cat that waits until I have attended his mum and then comes to me for treats. His mum always says to me how's your baby. That night I was a wreck and I made her upset too. So many things.
I am going to put it all down on the blog what happened that last week because I think maybe writing about it will sort of help. I have not been able to before but I will this week.
Barrie said we need to go away for a holiday as we have not been for two years as we couldn't leave Jasper when he needed his medication and care. we have booked a week from 2nd December and even that makes me feel guilty.
I will go now before I drive everyone away with moaning but it is good to get a little off my chest. I will do a post about what happened later and then will try to do some happy posts.
Thank you all for listening.
Happy Thanksgiving for all my friends that celebrate.
Much love Carol x